


Darkness Before the Light

by LeiasLeftBun



Series: After Endor [7]
Category: Star Wars: Original Trilogy, star wars: all media types
Genre: F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Love, Mental Illness, violent imagery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 02:09:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11864436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeiasLeftBun/pseuds/LeiasLeftBun
Summary: Hello!This is the 4th full length fanfiction of the After Endor series. This series will be marked with "Part __ of After Endor". Each fanfiction in this series will have ten chapters and one bonus chapter (posted separately).It begins shortly after ROTJ. This one starts immediately after "Perfectly Combative." Read the others first or this won't make much sense!Italicizedphrases separate from paragraphs indicate a character's thoughts. It won't always be clear who is thinking them.You can pick whoever you want or think it is. Be free, my wonderful readers. (This mostly means I have forgotten who they originally belonged to, because it fits both character's personalities.)Eight asterisks used in-between paragraphs indicate a time lapse and/or character switch that I thought needed pointed out. I just wanted it to be easier to read and follow. That is also why I always go to new paragraphs often. It works better for beings with ADHD (like me).Ifyou are bored and want to draw any of these scenes, Go for it! I'd love to see them! I would draw them myself but I lack the skill. Send them to leiasleftbun.tumblr.com and I will post them with credits and a link to you! Or, tag me in the post with them! I can repay you with a gifted fanfic or someone to talk about Star Wars with or my friendship (not that anyone wants that last one lol)Asalways, leave a comment if you want a specific content warning. I will add them to the beginning of each applicable chapter. I would hate to be the reason for panic attacks, meltdowns, or even mild discomfort.





	Darkness Before the Light

**Author's Note:**

> **Hello!** This is the 4th full length fanfiction of the After Endor series. This series will be marked with "Part __ of After Endor". Each fanfiction in this series will have ten chapters and one bonus chapter (posted separately). 
> 
> It begins shortly after ROTJ. This one starts immediately after "Perfectly Combative." Read the others first or this won't make much sense! 
> 
> **Italicized** phrases separate from paragraphs indicate a character's thoughts. It won't always be clear who is thinking them. 
> 
> You can pick whoever you want or think it is. Be free, my wonderful readers. (This mostly means I have forgotten who they originally belonged to, because it fits both character's personalities.) 
> 
> Eight asterisks used in-between paragraphs indicate a time lapse and/or character switch that I thought needed pointed out. I just wanted it to be easier to read and follow. That is also why I always go to new paragraphs often. It works better for beings with ADHD (like me).
> 
> **If** you are bored and want to draw any of these scenes, Go for it! I'd love to see them! I would draw them myself but I lack the skill. Send them to leiasleftbun.tumblr.com and I will post them with credits and a link to you! Or, tag me in the post with them! I can repay you with a gifted fanfic or someone to talk about Star Wars with or my friendship (not that anyone wants that last one lol)
> 
> **As** always, leave a comment if you want a specific content warning. I will add them to the beginning of each applicable chapter. I would hate to be the reason for panic attacks, meltdowns, or even mild discomfort.

**Three Weeks Later**

"What if _you just didn't go to work today?_ " Han teased, his hazel eyes gleaming with the blue backlighting of Leia's data pad.

As tempting as his proposition was, she could not just stay home all day and "play around" with Han. She had just gotten well enough to go back to work full time. 

The last thing she needed to do was call in again, but she did have a few minutes with Han before she had to leave. 

She slowly sauntered over to the couch, making eye contact with him the entire time. Upon noticing her, he stopped tracing the faded sketches that covered the back of the data pad.

_!!!!_

His heart beat fast, a part of him hoped this meant that she would stay home. His mind chanted her name... _Leia! Leia! Leia!_

Leia began to run her hands down his face and chest, slowly leaning into him. Han leaned in for a kiss, but before he was able to reach her, Leia had seemingly moved on. 

It clicked. 

_She's got the data pad!_

She tugged it free from his loose grip, his hands squeaking against the screen. Leia leaned back up and straightened her outfit out. 

"Seven seconds in heaven is over!" She said. 

"Leia! It is supposed to be seven _minutes!_ " Han responded, sounding utterly betrayed. 

His upset cry made her crack a smile. He was in the perfect position to be teased _just a little more._

She fidgeted on the edge of the cushion in front of him.

_What could I do next? Oh, yes! Start some fake drama!_

"You just want me to stay so you can cuddle with someone during your lunch break. Don't think I don't know what you talk about when you go to work all disheveled." Leia began. 

"I heard that you enjoy bragging about sleeping with me."

His face went pale as she pulled back slightly. She remained straight-faced. 

_That was supposed to be a confidential conversation, Wedge..._

His mind was racing. Leia was probably so pissed at him! How could he have discussed such private matters in public? Wouldn't the tabloids love that story?

"Who told you?" He whispered.

There was an awkward pause as her eyes lit up and a smile formed on her face.

_I've been played..._

"Nobody, but now I know it's true!"

_Gods..._

********

Leia flipped through multitudes of messages on her data pad, large amounts of them regarding her newly reappointed role as a senator.

Being given such a title after doing practically _no campaigning_ felt odd, though she wasn't going to bring it up.

She was extremely flattered that the remaining population of Alderaan had still wanted her as their representation. 

She had thought they would blame her for what had happened, but it seemed to be the opposite. The majority of them loved her for bringing them back together and getting them resources.

Very few that spoke to her had placed any blame for the destruction on her. 

_Wait... will I be put in that sort of situation again?_

She clicked the data pad off before stretching back in her chair. She stared solemnly at the ceiling, mindlessly running her fingers in circles over her abdomen. 

_What if someone abducts me again? Tortures me? Kills me?_

She couldn't bear the thought of possibly leaving Han alone to raise their child. 

_Nobody will torture you, Leia._

Over and over again, she reminded herself that she was safe here. If someone did abduct her, Han would find her. Luke would find her. Hells, she may just find a way out herself. It wasn't like she hadn't done so before. 

********

Han sat alone in the living room, wondering if he should have just gone to work. He wouldn't have agreed to do this project himself if he had realized just how much damage had occurred in the few months they had been living here.

The amount of blood stains, nicks in the walls, and piles of dirty clothes made him want to burn the place down and start over.

_Can't, because the thousands of other tenants are probably happy here..._

He began filling in the nicks, room by room. While he waited for those to dry, he deep cleaned the room that would now be their child's. 

Baskets full of aluminum and steel were drug out and put in the living room. 

_Most of this stuff needs to go to the hangar..._

Upon sitting those aside, he went back to the repairs. 

He sanded and carefully repainted the nicks, making them flush with the wall. 

He went ahead and set up the guest room, even though there were no immediate plans for Luke to visit. It just felt better to have everything ready just in case. 

All that was left was that stupid door and to paint the nursery. Leia wanted to paint, as she had plans for the walls. That door was staying. Part of him hoped that seeing what she was capable of doing when extremely upset would help calm her.

The other part of him knew she really couldn't help it much. She was already doing all that she was supposed to be doing. Medications, therapy, and telling others when she needed a break.

The problem is that she can't figure out how to tell her brain that she needs a break. 

There was nothing he could do to protect her from herself. 

_Great, now I am going to worry over this until she comes back home..._

The nightmares especially seemed to be a huge cause of panic attacks. They came randomly, even after the happiest of days. 

She would thrash, cry, and scream in pain beside him, not even conscious enough to be sure of her surroundings. He was terrified she would catch her wrist in the slats of the headboard, or break a glass on the nightstand. 

The only thing he could try to do was comfort her during and after.

She had told him in detail what was done to her over those few days on the Death Star. Most of the time, the nightmare would involve that period of time. He paid close attention to her in an attempt to decipher the dream so that he may have an appropriate response. 

Most of the time, it would involve only speaking and not touching her. He only touched her if she was trashing so violently that she could injure herself. 

This occurred so often that every movement that she made in her sleep began to worry him. 

How would they both deal with a baby also waking them up, when they were already running on so little sleep?

Would Leia even sleep for a moment?

_I should have been more careful..._

Even if she told him it was okay, and that it wasn't his fault, he sincerely hoped that her decision to keep the baby was one she made for her and not for him. 

He couldn't live with himself otherwise.

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't happy with my editing of this chapter, but after literally months of staring at it I decided to just post it and move on. 
> 
> I'm still learning! 
> 
> I can't get better by dwelling on my past mistakes.


End file.
